Spa Sessions: Surprise, Surprise - Part I
Ok, for the record, my name is NOT Richard. It's Francis. France to my friends, Kiko to my uncles, and Francis Raymond Valencia Marasigan to my mom when she's angry. Why do I use Richard? I have no idea. Anyway, who gives their real name at a Spa that offers a "happy ending?" No one, that's who.
"Oo naman! Di ako makatulog simula nang manggaling ako dito!"
"Bolero ka talaga, sir! Pero warning na kita, di ako pwede. Kasi meron ang lola mo ngayon! Hahahaha!"
Too much information.
"Aww sayang naman. Ready pa naman ako. Hehehe. Sino ba nandiyan?"
Cindy, which I'm sure as hell isn't her real name, took out the logbook and opened it to the list of therapists for the day.
"Ok, sir, nandito si Cammy, si Scarlet, si Lara, si Gal Gadot, si..."
"Yes sir! Kamukha ni Wonder Woman! Kaka-start lang last week!"
I doubt it. When receptionists say that the therapists or "theras" look like a certain celebrity, 80% percent of the time they really don't. Had an experience when I was told the my thera looked liked Kim Chiu. More like Chiu-bacca, damn it. No, thank you.
"Kunin mo, sir?"
"Sino pa nandiyan?"
At that moment, I hear a couple of girls hurry behind me and disappear behind the curtains leading to their "holding rooms." As I continue down the list, I could have sworn one of them peeks thru the velvet cloth to look at me. As I look up, she's gone.
"Ayan, sir, tamang tama. Dumating na sina Sonja and Rey. Si Rey, sir bago talaga yun. As in kahapon lang. Newbie yan."
If you haven't noticed, the theras names are based on female superheroes or lead characters. Cammy (Street Fighter), Scarlet (GI Joe), Lara (Tomb Raider), etcetera, etcetera.
Also, "newbie" means new to the spa "industry."
"Sige, si Rey na lang. 800 diba?"
"Yes, sir. ELMER, PAKIDALA SI SIR RICHARD SA VIP 2. KAY REY YAN!"
What, Episode One was still fresh on my mind. So, shoot me.
I've been going to Spas like this for years now. Probably ten years already. I've had my share of "memorable moments." And boy were they memorable.
I had a girl who pushed my head down so I can eat her out. She was so horny that I obliged. One time, as I was banging this chick doggy style, I stuck my thumb in her ass. She was mad as hell! Told me to get lost too. Also, I fucked a chick without a condom. Ok, that kinda freaked me out for months. It was stupid and unsafe and scary. Never and will never try that again.
Little did I know that I would be adding to those memories today.
"Sir, si Elmer po 'to. Pwede pumasok?"
"Basta ikaw, 'Mer!"
"Salamat po. Sir, uh, eh, si Rey po ba kinuha niyo?"
"Yes. Bago lang yun di ba? Ok ba? Gusto ko kasi medyo malaman."
"Ah, eh, ok po siya, sir! Boobsie tapos ganda pa balakang."
"Jackpot! Sige, pa-start mo na, 'Mer. Sabay na kami mag shower."
"Um, sir, sure po kayo? May iba pa kami bago. Si Lara, boobsie din."
"'Mer, pagod ako. Sabihin mo na lang kay Rey, pumunta na dito. Salamat. Nga pala, may iniwan ako para sayo. Kunin mo na lang kay Cindy."
"Ah, ok po. Salamat po, sir Richard."
Not the first time a therapist wanted to do that. And I totally get it. I'm not what you call "traditionally gwapo." I'm thirty-seven years old and I look every bit my age. I don't have clear skin and genetics have not been kind to my hairline. I also have a big scar on my forearm. Why I have one, well, is reserved for a different story. Point is, I'm paying for your services not your preferences.
I kick off my shoes and socks and undress until I'm down to my boxer briefs. All of a sudden, I don't feel like taking a bath. The A/C made its presence felt. I sit there, almost nude and staring at my feet, feeling a bit cold.
"Come in, bukas yan." I say without looking up, my gaze now fixed on some ballpen marks on my palm.
"Are you sure you want to do this, France?"
"Oo naman, akala ko nga di na tay..."
I suddenly look up and my face looks like it was drained of blood.
"You?! No. Fucking. Way."
Memorable, you say? You have no idea.
*To be continued*