Dear Mark 05172017

Dear Mark,

It's been awhile I know. .. When was the last time I wrote? 3 years ago when I was 11? Wow ang tagal na nun ah.

But I need you now. I just don't need to tell something. I want to talk to someone. Forgive me for my past indiscretions and do what you have been doing so well and listen..

Two days ago my parents were finally laid to rest…tinapat pa na Mother's day. God can sometimes be cruel. I fucking hate him! He took everyone that I cared for in one fell swoop. I don't know if I hate Him more or the fucking drunk driver who smashed against my parent's car.

I fucking hate my life. I never felt so alone.

So here I am… In my Aunty Nene's house. She is my father's sister by the way. I hardly knew her but apparently my father appointed her as the trustee. Hindi ko alam ano ibig sabihin nun pero the bottom line, sila makakahawak ng pera ko hanggang sa maging 18 ako.

So I moved in her house together with her husband, Tito Kanor, and their daughter, Ate Sam, kanina. They're not that bad. Hindi naman sila tulad ng mga fairy tales o teleserye na malulupit ang mga kamag anak. At least the way they treated me on my first day is very hospitable naman. Ako nga itong ugaling ewan dahil masyado kong pinakikita na ayaw ko tumira sa kanila.

Pero hindi niyo ako masisi, I used to live in a great condominium in BGC with my parents. I had my own room. Hindi tulad ngayon na nasa taas ako ng isang double deck at si Ate Sam naman sa baba. Sanay ako na buong bahay may aircon. Pero ngayon, electric fan lang na hindi naman umaabot sa akin ang hangin. Pinahiram nga ni Ate Sam yung rechargeable niyang mini fan as if naman makakatulong.

It's true. I'm surrounded by people pero nakakalungkot pa rin. Parang pasan pasan ko pa rin ang buong mundo. Pero writing to you has somehow keep my mind off of things kaya thank you.

Teka lang ha…

Si Tito Kanor pumasok sa room namin. Tinatanong kung bakit hindi pa ako natutulog. Masama raw magpuyat at baka magpimples ako. Sabi ko na lang sandali na lang.

Hellar! First off, 10 pm pa lang kaya. Sa bahay namin, inaabot kaya ako ng madaling araw. Tapos ako magkakapimplea? Eh napaka flawleas ng skin ko!

Weird talaga yung si Tito. Actually medyo may pagkacreepy rin. Kasi nakaindian seat ako sa bed nung pumasok siya dahik sumulat nga ako sayo. Nagkataon naman na nakaharap ako sa kanya. Tapos since nasa taas ako ng double deck, eye-level niya ang crotch area ko. Di ko na kasi tinakpan ng pillow kasi naka pajama naman ako. Pero all the time na kinakausap niya ako, parang nakatitig siya sa may pempem ko. Come to think of it, medyo manipis kasi ang pajama ko. Hindi kaya bumabakat ang puti kong panty? Naaaahhh

Anyways, I promise to start a new life and dapat walang negative vibes.

Thank you for your time. Mapepretend muna ako na matutulog ako at nakakahiya naman dito.

Good Night!

Luvs,
Amber