Glass Forest - Real Story, Real Events (Part One)

When it comes to romance, masasabi kong wala ako masyadong karanasan. Sa katunayan, noong high school ako wala akong naging decent relationship. Halos lagi akong naba-basted kapag nanliligaw ako. Kung may nagugustuhan man ako, I would always be the guy who is there in the shadows either lurking seeing the girl having the greatest smiles with the person she chose, which is obviously, hindi nga ako yun.

Simula noon, I've always been silent and very closet-minded when it comes to dating, relationship, love and obviously, sex. I guess that was given. Since, my feelings are always in the shadows, naging tahimik ako kung patungkol sa mga bagay na iyon. kung mayroon man oras na magsasalita ako ng tungkol sa pag-ibig, well, it would be my failures.

Lagi kong ibinibiro sa aking mga kaibigan na, para akong isang retired war general na marami nang sinuong na digmaan, which in this case, ay ang panliligaw at maraming beses akong bumagsak, pero bumabangon parin. I guess that's how it was for me for many years. Sa totoo lang, hindi naging makulay ang high school life ko. Kaya mali ang sinumang singer ang nagsabi na ang highschool life ay masaya. Bakit? While most maybe enjoyed it, hindi naging masaya para sa akin. My only escape back then when I was already in fourth year was writing. Nagsimula akong bumalik sa nakahiligan kong gawin simula noong bata ako. Ang pagsusulat ng mga kwento. Nagsimula kasi akong magsulat noong grade five ako, kasagsagan na nagkaroon ako ng interes sa paggawa ng kwento, para maibahagi sa aking mga kaklase ang mga naglalarong imahinasyon sa aking isipan, sa genre ng fantasy. See, I've always been a fan of high fantasy, medieval eras and stuff like that. I had no time to go on and enjoy my elementary days either.

Para i-elaborate ko sa inyo, I was just that ordinary person when I was younger. Ano lang ba ang alam at kaya kong gawin noon para man lang maimpress sa akin ang babae na nagugustuhan ko? Wala. I wasn't at the time a very sporty person. So I am not a famous basketball player, o kaya charming volleyball player. Hindi rin ako isang enigmatic baseball player para pagtilian ng mga kababaihan. To be honest with you guys, I'm just an ordinary man. Hindi ako yung klase ng tao na mapapa-wow ang kababaihan kapag naglalakad ako sa daan. In fact, I was the one who is always the ignored one.

This has been my life until I reached the age of 22. Bente anyos ako nagsimulang magtrabaho. Nawalan ako ng oras para sa sarili at nasubsob ako sa pagtatrabaho. Sa totoo lang, nagkaroon din naman ako ng mga babae sa buhay ko pero hindi ko parin makita na iyon yung masasabi kong "well received" na romance. I was after all, looking for a romantic relationship that I can call I am proud of. The women came and went, halos lahat nalang talaga masasabi kong fleeting romance. Walang nagtatagal.

At that time, I found a little bit of recognition in my writing skills. Nagkaroon ako ng mga kaibigan, mga taong nakakaintindi sa kaisipan na meron ako, mga taong kahit hindi ko pa nakikita ay nagkakaroon kami ng mga meaningful na conversation, kahit sa Facebook lang. Sa totoo lang, nasa early age ng social media ang panahon kung saan nagsimula akong magvisualize na magsulat sa internet. Nang magsimula akong magsulat sa internet, hindi pa gaanong bigatin ang Facebook. Friendster palang noon ang uso, at kung gusto mo talaga ipakita sa mundo ang mga mumunti mong mga gawa, you would either make a website or a blog para lang doon mo mailabas lahat ng iyong mga natatagong galing sa pagsusulat. It was the very escape that I had, but at the same time the very passion that I only had at that time.

Marami akong nakilalang mga kaibigan sa Facebook nang panahong doon na ang mas kinilalang platform sa pagsusulat. Sa totoo lang, marami akong nakaka-chat noon at mga nakakausap na talagang kahit magdamag ay hindi kayo nauubusan ng topic. Dito ko rin natagpuan na hindi lang pala ako ang nag-iisang hindi masaya ang naging buhay niya noong high school, romantically, that is.

I will be honest and say na I was also driven into a lot of sexual things in Facebook. Likeminded people will always have the time to enjoy their times together. Dahil wala akong girlfriend at wala namang parang naliligaw na babae na gusto akong maging boyfriend, parang, nawalan ako ng pag-asa na magkakaroon pa ako ng magandang experience man lang o makulay na romantic experience. There was nothing I can do, I was only bound to gain confidence through something I want and can do. Since wala nga akong karanasan, sa social media ko nakita ang isa pang escape sa sexual frustration ko. When I had sexual talks and chats with women online, para bang at least naiisip ko na maybe in person, I can be that confident. Masasabi kong until now, there is this one woman who is my closest friend na naintindihan ang sitwasyon ko. Anyhow, that was my escape. My only way to be able to show my confidence, my desire or my urges. You know, people say they go to pilgrimage to ease their stress, or some people go to vacation to release all that stress from the bustling noise of the city or the hard labor that their bosses give them at work. I consider mine the same. Kapag nakakausap ko ang kaibigan kong iyon online, when I undress and show her my thing, cum online and basically do all the stuff I can – it kinda makes me relieved, happy and as if my stress is all but gone. You might be thinking, I must be a pathetic person if I consider doing that as releasing stress. But you can't blame me, and the others who may have done it. We are the percentage of people who are always the unwanted or hindi naman napapansin sa mga bagay na pang-relationship.

This is the sum of my life until I found out the heavier parts of the world. This is pretty much the introduction to an entry of escapades that I will tell you. This is my GLASS FOREST.

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I have wondered a lot of things nang magsimula akong masubsob sa pagtatrabaho. Nawalan ako ng oras sa sarili kong kaligayahan. Naging ganoon ang buhay ko for almost six years. Over and over I was thinking, sana may panahon na hindi naman ang kamay ko lang ang magbibigay sa akin ng enjoyment when it comes to sex. After all, as if wala na talaga akong choice, na parang ganun nalang palagi.

Sisimulan kong ikwento ang simula nang lahat ng aking mga naging memorable escapades, pero at the same time, has made me a really different person right after everything has gone low.

It was four years more when I knew this woman. I won't mention the name, but we've always called ourselves with an endearment, which is so common, "babe". Our relationship started on Facebook, and we were connected with an interest that we had in common as well. Napaka-simpleng rason na naging kami ay dahil siguro sa marami kaming interes sa mga bagay bagay na sa totoo lang ay masasabi ng iba na kulang para magestablish ng pagmamahal sa isa't-isa. Ako man, hindi ko rin halos maimagine na magkakaroon ako ng ganoong klase ng girlfriend. Bakit? Because she was hot. I'll describe her as a woman who isn't that well-endowed sa dibdib, but she was really something. Eversince we became lovers online, halos araw-araw ay iniimagine ko kung ano kaya ang feeling na makasama ko na siya in person at makasama ko siya sa kama. That was something I always thought of that time. Open kami sa sexual talks – we have discussed our frustrations, our secrets and our experiences about that. While clearly, alam kong hindi na siya virgin, I felt I will be more connected with someone who isn't, dahil sa totoo lang, making love with a virgin has a lot of responsibility. You can't think of words to describe it, but, in my book, it is all about full responsibility, love, courage and the commitment. At this point and time, hindi ko pa hawak lahat iyon sa aking kamay.

It took arguments, talks, thousands of chats and a daring plan before we were able to meet. Para makita niya ako in person, kinailangan ko siyang iuwi o itakas. Yes, that's right. She was bored with her life and she wanted to get away from her parents. Hindi ako nag-atubiling tulungan siya and invite her to our home. Doon ko siya nakilala as we lived together for almost a month. Tama nga ang iba sinasabi nilang, if you rush love, you will have a rushed love. Our relationship became rocky at one point, dahil sa totoo lang, she had this personality where she loves to shout at you for small and smaller things na hindi niya gusto. But I don't know how it became that way, dahil kahit na ganoon pa siya, when we were together, may isang bagay na talagang napagkakasunduan namin, which is of course, fucking each other. Kapag nasa kama na kami, para bang inaalis namin sa isa't isa ang kung anumang meron kaming sakit ng loob sa isa't isa sa aming mga nagawa sa araw na iyon. We enter this void. Para sa akin, nawawala ang lahat ng problema o anumang di pagkakaunawaan kapag nasimulan na naming magkantutan.

The first escapade I will tell you about, the time we really tried fucking the second time. Our first time together wasn't that great, I tell you. Maybe because we felt awkward and it was our first meeting. Imagine, unang kita palang namin sa isa't isa, ang una kong naisip na bonding time namin ay ang iyutin siya sa kama. Well, that was to show na wala talaga akong alam pa sa pagpapasaya sa babae.

This escapade, this second time was when I was in bed with her. Para maging mas comfortable siya sa akin sa bahay, I had to serve her food and all that. Just to get familiar sa lugar at mas makilala din naman niya ang mga tao sa kaniyang bagong buhay. At that time, it was kind of exciting that you have this woman now in your bed and you're talking about things with her and all that. This is the first glass that was built in the forest of my fantasy.

Sa kama, we had a short span of words. We'd talk, until I decide na halikan siya. Pinupog ko siya nang una nang mga halik sa kaniyang dibdib, until she surrendered. Lumiyad siya ng kaunti habang hinahalikan ko siya at inaalis naman niya ang kaniyang pulang sweater. Hindi ko na pinatagal at inalis kong pangalawa ang kaniyang manipis na t-shirt at daling hinubad ang kaniyang shorts. Nagtagal akong maglaro sa kaniyang dibdib, hanggang sa naisipan kong oras na para pasukin siya. I was trying to slowly remove her shorts, pero tinulungan niya ako hanggang sa nakita ko ang kaniyang mabuhok na pagkababae. That time, I was really hard so much that I just wanted to dig in.

"Babe…." Sambit ko sa kaniya and looked at her intently. At that time, hindi ko makita ng husto ang kaniyang mukha dahil naisipan naming hindi buksan ang ilaw ng mismong kwarto. The light that makes us see each other at least, was the light from the kitchen na malapit lang sa kwarto. Nang makita ko ang buo niyang katawan na hubad, to be honest, I can't contain myself. A hot girl in bed with me? This is freaking amazing, kako sa sarili ko.

Mahinang itinulak ko siya sa kama at pinahiga siya. Umibabaw ako sa kaniya at sinimulan kong ipasok ang titi ko sa kaniyang puke, hanggang sa maramdaman kong pasok na pasok na ako bago ako kumadyot. Bawat kadyot ko, mahina nang una. Gusto ko kasing maging masarap ang mga pagbayo ko sa kaniya. Gusto kong maramdaman ko ang loob niya. Nang marinig ko ang saglit niyang pagungol, hindi ko na siya tinigilan pa.

"Babe, hook your legs sa likod ko," mahinang utos ko, dahil ayaw kong marinig ako ng aking mga kapitbahay, na siguradong gising pa sa kasalukuyan.

Nang marinig niya ang pagkasabi ko, agad niyang ikinalawit ang kaniyang paa sa likod ko. Isa sa mga napakalaking trigger moment ko sa kantutan ay kapag ginawa ito ng babae. Whenever the girl hooks her legs into my back, I think of it as full submission. Na handa ang babae na magpaiyot nang wantosawa.

Tumingin muna ako sa kaniya, at nang maramdaman ko ang paa niya sa likod ko, binilisan ko ang pagkadyot. Bawat bayo ko, napapaungol siya, na para bang gusto niya na sanang isigaw pero pinipigilan niya ang bibig niya dahil alam niyang may makakarinig nga din naman. I covered her mouth a little bit with my right hand, pero full on parin ako sa pagbayo. Bawat kadyot ko, nararamdaman ko ang sarap, as if I was getting intensely being massaged, yet, not on my whole body, pero parang bawat labas pasok ko, narerelax ako.

"Ahhhh, ahhhh, beb, aaaaahhh!" wika niya. These set of words were the only things she spoke of sa bawat bayo ko. I can understand it. it just means one thing. Naeenjoy niya ang paglabas pasok ng titi ko sa pekpek niya. What else can we think of, I thought.

Nararamdaman kong malapit na ako noong labasan.

"Beb, tagilid ka ng kaunti…I'll do your favorite position," wika ko. Her favorite position was for her to do a fetal position on bed, while I am going to kneel para maipasok ko ang titi ko. She wants her to be fucked sideway. That was the time na naramdaman ko na talagang walang ilang minuto eh lalabasan na ako.

"Beb, sige pa, iyot me," wika niya at nang kumakadyot uli ako ay napapikit na lamang siya at walang nagawa kundi tanggapin ang bawat bayo ko.

Walang ibang naglalaro sa isip ko sa oras na iyon kundi ang gaano kasarap ang puke niya, at kung paano ang sarap pagsawaan sa iyutan ang babaeng ito. I know, it can be considered just lust, pero, for me it had love. So while I think na ang sarap niyang pagsawaang iyut-iyotin, mahal ko siya to the extent na siya lang ang gaganunin ko sa kama.

Ilang segundo pa ay naramdaman ko na ang paglabas ng tamod ko. I came inside her. This is our policy – dapat na sa loob ko lahat ipuputok.

"Ahhhh, beb, shit! Ahhh, tangina ang sarap!" wika ko, at sumukong umibabaw uli sa kaniya, and this time I was doing all I can to continue, kahit na alam kong mahina pa ako for a second round. Sa katunayan, habang nilalabas ko ang pang-first round namin, ikinakadyot ko parin. This is how I know na ito ang kauna-unahang babaeng naiyot ko na ang sarap sa pakiramdam na ilabas sa loob niya lahat. This continued on for three rounds. I came all over and over. Kung may paraan lang sana na mai-reset ang oras, gusto kong makita ang sarili kong pinagsasawaang kantutin ang babaeng iyon.

This is the first glass of my fantasy; this is my GLASS FOREST.