Looking For: Uno

Let me share a naughty and funny story this Throwback Thursday:

Many years ago, I found myself in the company of my barkada (all girls), one Friday night, having dinner in one of the places in TM. While in the middle of it, the elder sister of one of our barkadas arrived and saw us. She was with her friends too.

Ate asked what we planned for the night and we said that we'll have coffee somewhere nearby afterwards. She said it was a lame thing to pull off on a Friday night and instead invited us to join them. So we agreed.

After dinner, around 10PM, Ate brought us to this gay bar in the vicinity. We were excited as it was our first time and we felt like real adults visiting such place.

The place was dimly lighted and we were the only early birds. All eyes of the talents were on us as we took our seats, choosing that which would give us the best view of the stage and the aquarium where the talents were.

Ate and her friends, on the other, took the seats on the side, where the lights were dimmer. Later, I would find out why. May balak pala.

The place started to fill. We watched as the talents busied grooming, oiling, and making themselves mighty.

I felt like the talents were already giving us an early bird show:
Diez was flexing his biceps.
Nuebe was parading his six-pack. Otso was twerking his butt.
Siete was oiling his massive chest while caressing his chest hair.
Seis was practicing his giling moves ala Dante Gulapa.
Cinco kept stretching the garter of his skimpy boxers.
Quatro was pole dancing.
Trese was doing his thrust exercises.
Dos was doing sit-ups.

Uno was obviously the most show-off among them talents. He was oiling his shaft and when it was hard enuf, he hanged a pail near the tip to prove how mighty he was. Strong! (I am not sure though if the pail was empty or filled.)

11pm sharp, the show started. In fairness, halatang pinaghandaan ang mala variety show. Twas a showcase not only of th talents' physique but also of their talent in singing and dancing, as well as their creativity as shown by the elaborate costumes and headpieces and of course, the beautiful stage set-up.

Feeling like real adults, we each ordered a drink. We dint do pulutan anymore because there were consumables right before our very eyes. Hahaha!

When the clock struck twelve, out came the Star of the Show. His entry of appearance felt like there was thunder and lightning all over the place. Pasabog talaga!

I dint notice much of Star's performance because I was so awed by him. He was a real beauty. 'Yung tipong ang guapa niya kahit lalake pa siya. Lalo na siguro kung naging babae. Star stood around 5'10". Very lean body, parang wagyu lang. Bushy eyebrows. Piercing eyes. Aquiline nose. Come-hither look. Disarming smile. His complexion was glowing, flawless. Alagang Belo kumbaga. Mapapa sanaol ka na lang.

I thought that Star, as his name suggested, was the highlight of the evening. I was mistaken.

After Star's performance, came what we later learned as the "Free For All portion"- when all the talents descend to the audience to entertain them.

Twas at this point that I knew we weren't prepared for what we came for. Wheew!

Two guys came near and started gyrating in front of us. Because we were seated, the crotch of the guys hung at eye level view. Hahaha! It was obvious that their nearness and the newness of it all were making us uncomfortable because instead of basking in the view, we were all pretending to be busy with our phones while messaging each other in our group chat:

B: Shit, nasa harap ko!
L: Hahaha! Anong gagawin natin?
G: Gumigiling na 'tong nasa harap ko!
P: May labacara! Good morning towel pa ata!
S: Sheesh! Kelangan ba mag tip? Hahaha!
F: Hala! Wala na talaga tayo gift kay Santa sa Pasko. Nasa priority list na tayo ng naughty.
E: May camel toe din ba for guys? Asking for a friend.
J: Baka mag ka-raid!
C: I'm afraid na.
B: Guys, sorry. Si Ate naman kasi.

Then I sneaked a peek at Ate's direction para magpa SOS but no luck, Ate and her friends had two other guys join their table and they were busy necking and petting.

Suddenly, I felt a hard, blunt object like the head of a small folding umbrella, poking my back.

P: Hey, may tao sa likod ko?
L: Oo.
P: I can feel him poking my back!
L: Here, light a cig and then put it over your shoulder.
P: Para?
L: He will get burned if he comes any nearer.

So I did. The guy, however, wasn't at all deterred. Mukhang di abot ng lighted cig ang body niya enuf para mapaso ko siya. Instead, he made his presence even more felt by poking harder.

J: Shit, ako din!
F: Bakit kase dito tayo umupo?! Easy taget tuloy tayo.
C: Kanina lang ang tatapang ninyo while choosing our seats. Ngayon tiklop na.
F: Fuckkk someone is poking me too!
E: Oh no, bakit andami nila lumapit sa atin?
J: Tayo nga pinakabata sa audience!
P: Ambilis na ng heartbeat ko huhu.
S: Basa na ng pawis kamay ko!

To our surprise, one of the guys gyrating in front of us suddenly pulled G's chair away from us, stood over her, planted his legs on both sides of G's chair and started to lapdance her. The guy was all over her, teasing her.

While the adjacent tables went wild and cheered on the guy, nataranta kami:

P: OMG, bakit niya hinila upuan ni G?
B: Hala si G!
S: Cringgeeeee!!!
L: Lamunin na ako ng lupa!
F: Ako.din, now naaa!
C: Huwag po ako, please!

G, was then the sweetest and modest looking among us.

After the FFA portion, we all rushed to G, as we were all very concerned about how she was:

P: You alright G?
J: Here, have some water.

G took a few small gulps. She looked parched.

E: Ano, ok ka lang ba?
L: Grabeng landi ni Kuya sayo!
F: Muntik na magkapalit mukha mo saka crotch niya. Ang lapit ni kuya!
B: G, sorry talaga. Sana di tayo sumama kila Ate. Sana nagkape n lang tayo.

Our concern for G was for naught, her answer took us by surprise and we all teared up laughing when she said:

G: Uy girls! Ok lang ako, anubey!
Pero wait, dapat ba ako ma-offend?!

G said this this while giddily smiling from ear to ear. Kinikilig! Lol!!!

Hahaha! Ampf! Nag-enjoy naman pala. That 's what matters.

We always crack when we reminisce about this shared experience.

I am not raring to go back but I wonder what it would be like to return, to look for Uno (to ask him if the pail was empty or half-filled), and experience this all over again, now that we are older, and I guess, bolder. Lalo na ngayon na may pang tip na kami! Lol!

Added to the Barkada Bucket List for the meantime, that is, until Covid passes.

Meanwhile, keep safe all!