Him And Her: The Complete Series

I: Him And Her

HER:

I think I'm falling for him.

And it's scary.

I won't deny that when I first saw him, there was an immediate attraction. I couldn't really look him in the eye for fear that I might stare. I avoided him most of the night. Didn't really talk to him that much or just talk to him when needed. I am a shy person, yes. But with him, it was different. It felt like there was an awkward silence between us.

As we continued to see each other, we somehow became more comfortable with each other, especially with our banters from time to time. Some are wholesome banters, while some are, okay… Maybe, I was flirting. But I won't admit it. Not out loud, anyway.

Eventually, there was skin to skin contact. No, it's not what you're thinking. Slight touches, hugs, kissing on the cheeks, and the like. But everytime he does that, there's this current that runs through my skin, it's electrifying. I don't know if he feels it, but I do.

As time passes by, I question myself. Should I ask or should I let it be? I try to act normal whenever he's around or whenever I'm with him. I know that we can't be. We're both in a relationship and yet, the attraction, the chemistry, it's undeniably there. That no matter how I try to avoid it, it's there, constantly creeping, seeping. And I can feel that he feels the same way, too. Or maybe I am just reading too much on "our" awkward silences whenever we're together. Maybe, it's just me. Maybe, I am hoping. Maybe….

Then one day, it happened. Oh, God! I wish I could have taken them back. But words cannot be taken back… I told him "I love you." I swear, as soon as I said that, I wanted to die! But what hurt the most, was when he didn't say anything back. So I told him to forget what I said and that we should pretend it never happened.

So what now?

HIM:

I'm in a relationship.

The first time I saw her, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She is pretty. But her smile, it was her smile that captured my attention. It melted my heart instantly. She rarely talked to me that night. That, or she's trying to avoid me. So I was content to stare at her from afar or steal glances at her whenever she's near. She'd blush and smile shyly when she catches me looking at her.

We continued to see one another in gatherings and have become somewhat comfortable with each other. We exchange jokes, wholesome and otherwise. It seems like we're flirting with one another. Or is it just me?

From verbally comfortable, we progressed to contact comfortable. Whenever we're together, I would put my arm around her waist and she would automatically lean on my shoulder. When I kiss her cheeks goodbye, I wanted to kiss her lips instead. Her scent is so intoxicating that I have a hard time controlling myself. I only hope she does not hear the rapid beating of my heart when she's close to me.

Time has not been helpful. Everytime I see her, all I want to do is to gather her in my arms in a tight embrace and just stay like that until she tells me to let go. But I know we can't be. We both have partners, and yet, this attraction is undeniably strong that I know she feels it, too. The chemistry between us is something that I haven't felt in a long time.

"I love you"…. I was caught off guard when she suddenly blurted those words that I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. How do you respond when someone you like tells you that? But before I could say something, she gave an empty laugh and said to forget what she said and pretend that it didn't happen.

So what now?

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II: Him And Her… Again

HER

I saw him again last night.

I looked at him and smiled tentatively. He barely looked at me, didn't even acknowledge my presence. I tried to shrug the feeling off and just continued with my drink. I turned back my attention to friends and laughed as if the whole world depended on it. Inside, my heart was starting to fall apart… Slowly.

The night progressed with scarcely a word to each other. My eyes would wander towards him when I know he's not looking. He's having fun, I thought. He's quiet at times, though.

I wonder, does he think of me? I devised ways to be near him, to stay close to him but all in vain. All I got was a very cold reception. I honestly didn't know what to do or how to feel. But, hey, I managed to mask my feelings with the sound of my laughter.

It was then a male friend wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. He nuzzled the side of my neck. I let him. I let him see what my friend was doing. Our eyes met. What did I see? Was it pain? Jealousy? Was he hurting? Thoughts ran in my head. Should I ask my friend to stop and let go? Or should I let him be? Why is he getting so affected by my friend's actions? Or am I just imagining things?

And it was time for him to go. I wanted to tell him to stay. I wanted to tell him, "Don't go." But I didn't. He hugged me, and I felt the coldness in his touch. I swallowed hard, blinked back the threatening tears, hugged him back and whispered, "Take care".

Why don't you tell me how you feel?

HIM

She was there.

When I came into the room, I saw her. I saw her smile but I averted my gaze. Her smile faltered when I pretended not to see her. I brushed it off and went to my friends. I could hear her having fun. So far, so good, I thought.

I tried my best not to approach her that night. I avoided any attempts of conversation with her. To make things more believable, I begged off from talking with anyone. I told them I was just tired. I would smile inwardly everytime she laughed and smiled. Her laugh is so infectious that you can't help but smile.

She would sometimes sit beside me or just be near me. I wanted so bad to touch her, to be like how we used to be, but I steeled myself. I tried to be indifferent. But her scent, God! It makes me want to make her mine alone.

Suddenly, a male friend casually wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. She tilted her head slightly to allow him to nuzzle her neck. Our eyes locked briefly. But what was that I saw? Did she smirk? Was she challenging me? What's this I feel? I couldn't seem to concentrate. My mind.. I'm confused. My heart.. Is it breaking? I want to be him. I want to be the one with her in my arms, inhaling her sweet fragrance. Argh! Why?

And so I decided to leave. I had to get out. It was getting harder to breathe, seeing them. I was suffocating. I hugged everyone goodbye, but her. She was the one who hugged me whereas I acted nonchalantly and patted her back. I heard her voice crack when she said, "Take care".

I want to tell her how I feel. But how? When I had once rejected her.

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III: Him and Her… Finale (?)

HER

I have been fidgeting.

I have been staring at my phone for quite some time now. Been mentally cursing myself for typing and erasing and then typing the message I wanted to send to him. What if he doesn't reply? I asked myself. He hasn't talked to me since that night, and now, this. I sighed. I put my phone down in frustration. To be honest, I wanted to throw my phone against the wall. I wanted to scream. But all I can do is breathe deeply and let the tears fall.

I stood up, paced back and forth and ran my fingers through my long hair. I stopped and bit my lip. I know my face is a mixture of worry, concern, confusion. But finally, I have made a decision. I grabbed my phone and typed furiously and immediately pressed send. And I waited.

Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned to hours. I just sat there, looking at the clock, biting my finger, patiently, or rather, impatiently waiting for his reply. But nothing. I kept checking my sent messages. It was delivered but never opened. I threw my phone once more and sighed.

This is crazy, I thought. I can't bear this anymore! I looked for my phone once more, took a deep breath and dialled his number. I have to know. The phone rang, once.. Twice.. Thrice.. But before he could answer the call, I hung up. I could hear my heart pounding against my chest! Damnit!

I walked over to my mirror and asked my reflection, What do you really want? She stared at me for a long time. I was hoping she would answer. But I already knew the answer. I just wanted to know how he feels for me, what am I to him. "And then what?" My reflection seemed to ask. Nothing, I told my reflection. I'm not stupid; I know we can't be. I won't ask anything from him. Just knowing how he feels for me is enough. I can live with it. I saw my reflection smile sadly back at me.

I took my phone once more and dialled his number. This time I waited for him to answer.

"Hi, I was wondering…. "

HIM

She called.

It stopped ringing even before I had the chance to answer it. Not that I would, anyway. Same as I didn't open her message. Yes, she sent me a message a few hours back, the notification popped up but I didn't open it. She knew I was online but I pretended not to receive it. I couldn't open it.

What does she want me to say? I honestly don't know what to tell her. I never wanted to avoid her. But whenever I'm near her, I just don't know what to tell her, what to say to her. I don't want to break her heart, I don't want to see tears in her beautiful eyes. I don't want her smile to fade.

I just sat there staring at my phone, staring at her message. I wanted to open it, but she'll know. She'll know I have read it and yet, she will not get an answer. I think it's better to leave it that way, not to open it, not to say anything that might hurt her.. And me.

When the phone rang, I panicked. My hands trembled while holding the phone and seeing her number. Yes, I did not save her number. But I knew it was her, I know it by heart. After the third ring,it stopped. I breathed a sigh of relief. Or was it disappointment? I still wouldn't know what to tell her.

I took another shot of vodka. I sighed. If I tell her how I feel, then what? I can't have her. We both belong to someone else. Would she be willing to take the risk, in case? Would I? I hit my head with my fist. Why am I asking these questions? I poured another shot and drank in confusion, maybe?

Will she call again? Maybe I should reply to her, maybe I should call her. I guess we need to talk, need to sort things out. Just then my phone rang again. I immediately answered her call.

"Hey.. "

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IV: Him And Her.. The Last Act

HER

I have been sitting here for quite some time now. Blankly staring at the people passing by the coffee shop as I played with my drink. I smiled bitterly. This is where we had our first date.. Our only date.. The first and the last.

It's been months since we talked, had some kind of communication to be precise. Funny, we still haven't talked about each other, about "us", or the lack of it. The last time I called him, I cowered. I couldn't bring myself to tell him why I called, or how I felt for that matter. My mind went haywire when he said "Hey.." I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Hi, I was wondering if.. Uhh… Nevermind. Have a great day!" and dropped the call. Damn! I smacked my forehead, feeling so stupid!

I started avoiding him after that. I have to admit, it was hard. I always have this urge to send him random messages just to initiate some kind of conversation, but I stop myself. However, there were times when I would give in and hope he would reply. At first he would, but eventually, my messages were either seen but not replied to or not opened at all. I'm not the persistent kind, I get the hint. I stopped sending him messages, though it's slowly killing me.

Then one day, we saw each other again. I was with our common friend when we crossed paths again. But this time, I knew, there is never going to be an "us". He was with her. I couldn't look him or her in the eye. I faked a smile, and I know I'm good at it. I'm so good at pretending I'm ok that I get to believe I AM ok. As it turned out, fate had other plans. We were going to have dinner at the same restaurant and our friend insisted that we, the four of us, sit together! Imagine that! The torture! But the actress that I was, I played my part well. Nobody noticed anything. Soon, it was time to part.

His girl and our friend were chatting in front of us as we were walking out the resto. He playfully put his arm around my shoulder to give me a hug, friendly or otherwise, and I felt myself stiffen. I know he felt it, too. It was an awkward moment for the both of us. He slowly removed his arm and we looked at each other. I smiled gingerly and informed them that I had to go somewhere. I could not read the expression in his eyes. We said our goodbyes and that was it.

I was brought back from my reverie by the vibration of my phone. I looked at the caller ID. It was my man. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before answering his call. I felt someone staring at me. I looked around and that's when I saw HIM.

HIM

She didn't see me go into the coffee shop. The one where we agreed to have our date months before. We were supposed to have another date but circumstances changed. I decided to sit somewhere she will not see me yet I can observe her. She hasn't changed much. She's still pretty.. But her eyes. She's staring blankly into the crowd.

I remembered our last conversation over the phone, if you can call that a conversation. I answered her call, intending to clear things up with her, to talk about "us". But when I heard her voice, I couldn't seem to get the words out of my mouth. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. I could only hear the pounding of my heart until I heard her drop the call.

I didn't know what to do. Here I was, telling myself earlier that we HAD to talk. But, nothing. I froze. Should I call her back or wait for her to do so? She didn't call back.. Nor did I call back. She sent me messages in the next few days but I was so busy that sometimes I couldn't reply to her immediately. And soon, the messages stopped. What was I to think? She probably does not want to have anything to do with me anymore.

Then one day, we bumped into each other. Of all the days to see her, why now? I wish I could remove the sadness from her eyes when she saw us. Maybe, this is a good thing. Maybe, this will help us clear the confusion, make us realize we can't be, no matter how I want us to be together, how I want to be with her. And to my horror, our friend insisted we sit together! I can see she's hurting, like she's mirroring what I feel. I wanted to say, I'm sorry. She thinks I don't see it, but I do. How relieved I was when we were done with dinner!

As we were walking out of the resto, I tried to make the situation light between us. I playfully put my arm around her and gathered her towards me so I could give her a hug, like I always did. Wrong move. I felt her stiffen so I slowly let her go. She then faced me and said she had to be somewhere. I looked into her eyes and felt the pain. And then she left after saying goodbye. I haven't seen her since.

I watched her seemingly blinking back the tears before answering a call. She probably felt my presence because she turned around and our eyes met. No use denying it anymore. I've fallen in love with HER.

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A/N: This series is posted in the Blog section but in parts. I decided to transfer it to the Story section for ease of reading.