First time... sort of (Part 1)

First, let me tell you a little something about myself…

I grew up in a middle class family which provides adequately for the needs of four children, my two sisters and a brother. We grew up in a, well somewhat suburbia in the southern part of Manila. My sisters and I studied elementary in a Catholic school run by nuns. My parents, though devout catholics, raised us as liberal minded individuals. However, growing up with two older sisters who are… ok fine… I admit it… prettier than I am, and teased always because of my "average" Pinoy nose (read: pango), I became shy. My siblings and I were never close during our teens that the adolescent stage of my life was quite lonely.

I do have a few close girl friends back then. But, with the somewhat conservative upbringing by their families as well, we never talk about "taboo" subjects -- especially sex!

Anyway, I was a bit of a prude in high school. I had a boyfriend in my junior year. He went through the lengths of courting me -- taking me home after school, being interviewed (interrogated was more like it!) by my mom, going on group dates -- until we became an item. The furthest base this guy ever reached was just lip-to-lip kiss during our less-than-a-year relationship. Oh, he attempted to get to first and second base… but always fell short! But I felt his heat, of course, every time we hug. It may be because of him, or maybe it's because of me. But then again, we were still in high school. So perhaps, I was just being veeeerrryyy cautious!

Even when I went away to college (I got accepted in a university which has a campus in a nearby province) and had all the means and time to experiment and explore my sexual and sensual side, there was just this thing that stopped me from going all the way with a guy.

There was this one guy, Carl (not his real name), who I was sure wanted to have me.

Carl is also one of my orgmates. One weekend, he asked if he could stay overnight in the apartment I share with five other girls. He said that his housemates already left and he forgot his keys to their apartment. My housemates always leave for home on Fridays, so Carl and I had the apartment pretty much to ourselves. That Saturday night, I let Carl sleep in the living room downstairs while I slept in the only bedroom upstairs. The following morning, I woke up and hoping to go home to Manila to spend the remaining weekend with my family.

I woke up Carl sleeping on the sofa. He said that he was still tired and sleepy, and asked if he can sleep in for a few minutes more. He also asked if he can sleep in one of the beds upstairs since the iron sofa was uncomfortable. Of course, he was my brod, so I let him sleep upstairs. And since it was still early 6:30 am, I decided to sleep in for a few more minutes as well. He laid down on the bed across my own cot.

In the back of my mind, I know he will try to do something naughty. I couldn't get back to sleep. And then I heard him softly call out to me…

"Come here, Danelle…"

Feeling in a daze, I got up and laid beside Carl, but turned my body away from him. He put his arms around me and we lay there quietly in spoon position for a few minutes. I felt the heat of his breath on my shoulder. I pretended to sleep. He knows that I'm pretending to sleep.

Slowly, I felt Carl's hand move to caress my waist, my hips and then my buttocks through my night shirt (a very oversized t-shirt). His hands felt very warm through the fabric of my shirt. He pressed his body against my back and I felt his hardening member on my butt.

I had to admit, for a virgin with no sexual experience at all at that time, I felt heat between my legs and warm tingles down my spine. I wanted more, but something was stopping me from actively participating in his attempts to seduce me in my "sleep." Besides, I was also curious and anticipating of what Carl will do next.

Keeping my eyes closed, I felt Carl plant a trail of kisses from my neck to my shoulders while his right hand began to move to the hem of my shirt. His warm hands inched its way under my shirt and unto my stomach. With my body keeping still, his hand caressed slowly to the edges of my thin bra while gently licking my shoulders. That's when my hand moved to stop his hand.

He stayed still for a few seconds, then pulled me to face him. I tried to resist, albeit feebly, when he got on top of me. He held my wrists to the side of my head while kissing my neck. He tried to kiss my mouth but I kept my face turned away. Still pining me down, his mouth travelled to my left breast and sucked my nipple through my shirt. He positioned himself between my legs, his hardness pressing down on me.

He dry-humped me while his hands kept my wrists to the side of my head. He let go of my arms to try to pull my shirt and bra up to expose my breast.

That's when I "woke up".

I quickly pushed against his shoulder and struggled to pull myself from under him. Then I ran out the bedroom, into the bathroom and locked myself in.

It's like my feelings were put in a blender set to puree -- fear, desire, excitement, disgust were all in there mixing with each other.

After a few minutes that seemed like an eternity, I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. It was Carl.

"Danelle, I'm sorry. I really am. I won't try anything stupid again, I promise."

I considered his words. I also considered who to call for help in case he does try something stupid… my neighbors? Also students who went home on weekends. We have no phone in the apartment and this was "pre-cellphone" era. I can always go to the police station a few blocks away, if he doesn't kill me. Or perhaps, just even go along, let him have his way and try to enjoy myself as well.

I opened the bathroom door and there he was sitting on the living room chair, already dressed to go. He waited downstairs while I got dressed in the bedroom (I made sure that the door is locked). And then we left the apartment. I never spoke a word to him before we parted.

I never spoke to him again at all.

That experience really made me wonder: Am I a prude? Am I frigid? Was I wanting my first time to be something special?

The answer came to me three years later…

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You can view the continuation here:
http://pserotica.com/node/7164
http://pserotica.com/node/7172